Grateful

Mom vs an old chimney, 2014

I’m sitting in my cozy house today as I write, thinking about this day 11 years ago. I had just opened a notice in the mail informing me that my mortgage was due in full in 30 days. Not, don’t forget to make a payment, but DUE IN FULL. As in, $185,000 in 30 days. The owner contract I heard about but had no details on, was up.

A real quick check on my banking account revealed I was about $184,500 short. 

I was recently separated, fighting for custody of the children I had largely single-parented their whole lives, sitting in a house I “won” in divorce proceedings. 

The house was beautiful on the outside: new siding, new gables, gorgeous covered porch. Landscaping stunning. But inside, a different story altogether. 

We had purchased this house months prior with plans to either tear it down or gut and redo it completely. At the time, I thought downsizing was what I needed in order to salvage this marriage. Why I thought doing yet another remodel with this man was going to help things, I can’t quite make sense of now. 

When he left, the outside as I mentioned looked amazing. Inside, however, was a different story. (I’m not saying this was a perfect illustration of our marriage, but I’m also not not saying that)

There was no insulation, wires hung freely, with very few walls other than those that were structural. And there was no heat. 

Although I had a great job, I had used up all of my savings on attorney fees and had no money to continue to fix things up. 

And, because I had left the financial details to my husband completely over the years, I discovered I had no credit score. Not a bad credit score, but NO credit score. 

And, because of the condition of the home, it was not insurable. 

And, because I had no credit, I could not get a mortgage. 

And, because I was in the middle of the divorce, I could not get a mortgage. 

And, because it was not insurable, I wouldn’t have been able to get a mortgage anyway. 

I had to come up with $185k in 30 days or I would lose even this. 

Do you know how embarrassing it is to explain to people that my ex was not willing to help so we could stay in this home? That, in fact, he said he didn’t really care if I lost it. That it was my fault I decided to spend money on an attorney and this mess was on me. That I deserved it for daring to say how things had really been. 

I found out only last year he told his family that he had paid for everything; finished the remodel for us in order to allow us to stay. That he just wanted to do the right thing in spite of everything I had done to him. 

But, fast forward all these years and here we are. Thanks to my amazing friends and family, this home now has walls and floors and heat and I’ve been able to create a cozy space for myself, my kiddos and my 4 legged creatures. 

And the outside of the home matches the inside. The peace and the beauty you see out there matches the peace and beauty inside. 

And, if that’s not something to be grateful for, I don’t know what is.